4. 10 Things I Hate About You

The ongoing bracket of the top 16 weirdest online dating experiences I had to date.

I realize it has been a long time since I hopped onto this site to jam out some of my dating impressions. With the whirlwind that was the most recent teaching year, I made plenty of excuses to prioritize other things. But, now that I am back, we enter the semi-final rounds of the not-so-sweet 16. Coming in 4th place is a story I like to call 10 Things I Hate About You.

This isn’t a story of me rattling of 10 traits I really hated about a guy but ended up loving. This also isn’t a story of a guy telling me 10 things he hates about me before ever meeting (though I wouldn’t put it past some of the people with which I have interacted). This, instead, is a story of boredom.

Honestly, I had reached a breaking point in online dating. I was seldom introduced to decent conversation and even less frequently met decent men. Throwing my hands up in the air, I resigned to treating the endeavor like a joke. What better face-saving tactic than to approach everything as if I didn’t care? And, if I am being completely honest, it turned out to be one of the most entertaining 24 hours I experienced with online dating in general.

See, I got the idea from plenty of BuzzFeed articles of women channeling their inner character and quoting from famous movies or TV shows. Some of my favorites include Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw and questions from her sex column and lyrics from Taylor Swift songs.

My family constantly talks in movie quotes. We could carry conversations for hours just reciting lines to our repertoire of family-classics. So I was up for the challenge. But what movie would I pick? One of the movies I quote the most is the 1999 teen rom-com 10 Things I Hate About You. What can I say? I deeply relate to Kat’s sassy, quick-witted attitude. The results were amazing. Later I will share all of the conversations threads that resulted from my little experiment. For now, though, I’ll introduce you to just one.

Joseph and I had already exchanged a few words at the point I decided to start my game. Not much of a conversation had occurred. To give context to the first message, he knew I taught and it was the middle of August. School had just gotten underway.

Oh, Joseph… I wish I had.

Three question marks almost halted the entire conversation. So, I had to pivot the conversation using a line from one of the more serious scenes of 10 Things. Kat Stratford (Julia Stiles) is opening up and trying to connect with Patrick Verona (Heath Ledger). He pivots away from that question to a complement. Joseph, too, diverts the serious nature of the question, but not nearly as successfully.

At quick glance, you might be impressed that he took his “random facts” to somethings so math-related. Upon actually reading the response, it is easy to be floored by his lack of concept of size. Seventy-nine square meters?? That’s huge! Perhaps he just has an “engorged” perception of objects. Or, more likely, perhaps he just misspoke. Being in my 10 Things experiment, though, I had no room to call him out on his misjudgment.

Once again, a complete diversion of something serious. Though, how deep do you go in a conversation with a stranger online?

If the most real thing he had to share was about cracking his ankle, he has clearly lived a tough life.

“Am I that transparent” is typically followed by “I want you, I need you. Oh baby, oh baby,” but I didn’t want to give Joseph the wrong idea.

And, to be fair, many people find me to be intimidating. I wouldn’t go so far as to say afraid, though.

This is exactly why I did not want to continue with the previous quote. I’ll admit, I probably should have interjected with a new question or quote. However, this was the longest conversation drawn from my favorite movie and at this point I could not think of another line that would naturally flow with the conversation. I did my best to rein it back in an effort to redirect the conversation.

Okay. Now I almost feel bad for the guy.

Yup. Definitely feel bad. I have no idea how to respond with my limited choices.

Perfect. Laughter. So we have diffused the situation but once again pivoted to a conversational direction down a dead-end street. Let’s try a new path, then.

Here was my thought. Maybe he would interpret this exclamation as my need to vent about my circumstances. That, however, was not how he responded.

Aw man… this just really hammered the nail into the coffin. At this point, how could he possibly think that I am not being an asshole? I fully admit that I was being an asshole.

Why?! Are you not?!

fem·i·nism (noun) the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes

as defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary

But, that’s not what I could say, is it? Instead I went with my favorite response to “Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today?”

And with that, Joseph bowed out of the conversation. I truly hope it is because he found someone special and decided to end unresolved conversations with other women online. Something tells me that’s not the case, but we can only hope.

One thought on “4. 10 Things I Hate About You

  1. Pingback: 5. Telling Voice – Extemporaneous and Single

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