3. You Remind Me

“U remind me of a girl that I once knew. See her face whenever I, I look at you. You won’t believe all of the things she put me through. This is why I just can’t get with you….” -Usher?

Have you ever been told you remind somebody of someone else? I have gotten that reaction a few times in my life. But, this interaction was easily the weirdest one.

Number 3 in our line-up is not nearly so wise, though. I introduce to you Mr. Memory Lane.

Had he stopped there, perhaps I could have chalked up this interaction to a guy reminiscing about a former life. No harm, no foul. Awkward, for sure, but nothing that would lead to a creepy story being recounted on the internet.

I was not really scared at this point, just confused. As I was typing out a response to him (and before I could hit send) he followed up his message with a disturbing request.

Wait, what?

This guy legitimately asked to let him talk to me as if I was someone who had DIED. Meanwhile, I am just sitting here typing out my condolences for a guy who clearly needs to seek some professional psychiatric help.

By the way, he did not care whether I actually was open to “just go[ing] with it for a moment.” Instead, he opens up a dialogue to the deceased.

Oh great. So not only do I remind him of someone he used to know who is “in a better place” but that lady was his lover?!

As far as opening lines go, you definitely do not want to hear that you remind a guy of someone else. And if you have to wear the face of someone they know, you pray that it is not their ex. Or at least if you do bear a striking resemblance to a former love interest, you hope that he doesn’t admit it to you. Mr. Memory Lane took it to an entirely new level.

I guess this was the catharsis Mr. Memory Lane needed. With how skin-crawling this interaction became, I could not help but re-think the entire conversation.

What exactly does he mean by saying "better place"? Did she just break up with him and he is having a hard time dealing with it? Is he the one that sent her to the "better place"? Why is he talking to me like I am Julia? Has he done this to others? Why doesn't he just go seek counseling?

For the record, I think counseling is an excellent tool for self-growth, reflection and healing. I seek counseling on different emotionally-charged issues and have found that to be a great resource.

I chose not to respond to Mr. Memory Lane, though. I did not think that engaging in the conversation, sassy or otherwise, would end up with anything productive. So I let the conversation lie.

Fifteen days later…

Why?? What aspect of our interaction made him think I was interested in communicating? Giving me 15 days was definitely not enough for me to forget that he spoke to me as if I was his dead girlfriend!

But wait. There’s more…

Yup. “Welcome to JackCity.”

It gets worse…

*shudders* I cannot imagine what was going through his mind when he thought sending this follow-up was a good idea. And honestly, I do not want to know.

5. Telling Voice

While this story is not accompanied by many screenshots, the nature of the conversation was a bit chilling. That is how “Telling Voice” made it to fifth place in the Battle Royale of weirdest dating experiences.

It started relatively normal. He typed first and off we went.

“Guyfishn” had an interesting tactic, I’ll give him that. His photos were decent to look at as well. So, I temporarily took the bait. He was quite proud of himself.

I am about to launch into my patented sassiness. Tell him that opening with a fun question or silly quote is usually more interesting. While he did illicit a response, it is not as if the conversation was going to great places yet.

Now, here’s where it gets weird… after a certain point of back and forth communication, the app allows for an extended set of means by which to communicate. You can call through the app, send photos to one another, and apparently even send voice messages. With these new features unlocked, Guyfishn decided on one of those options instead of a regular text. Any guesses?

If your mind immediately went to “dick pic,” as I surely would have with that set-up, you are (luckily for me) incorrect. Nope. Guyfishn sent a voice message.

I’ll be completely honest. At this point, I don’t remember exactly what he sent in that first message. He said something along the lines of being upfront and honest; telling the truth in all situations. He was being a bit pompous, I recall.

But while I do not remember exactly what he said, I can tell you exactly how it felt listening to that voice message on my phone. Have you ever had an immediate, heart-wrenching, gut feeling? As soon as I clicked play, my alarm bells in my entire body went off. Who was this guy? Is he honestly who he claims to be? Why be so obnoxious about honesty and sincerity if he isn’t?

This is ridiculous, right? How can I be so skeptical with just one eighteen second glimpse into his vocal pattern? Still, that feeling wouldn’t leave. So, I dove into what I do best–research. Some reverse image searches and several articles later, I arrived at a reasonable conclusion. This guy is sketch AF.

The results of my research were as follows. I could not initially find any of his photos online in other locations besides this dating site. After a few minor tweaks my search query, I found his main image. It was linked to a comment thread on a random blog about Canadian actors.

Once I could tell that the profile in general felt manufactured, I delved into a search about why I had such an off-putting feeling in the first place. This guy didn’t sound like a 27 year old at all. If I had to guess his age just by listening to his voice, I would put him around 57. Apparently, a person’s voice actually says a lot about them. You can tell things from height to age to weight, just by talking to someone on the phone, with relative accuracy according to an article in The Guardian.

Then he sent another voice message. This time it was much more negative and manipulative. He was, in a sense, egging me on. Partial underhanded comments and partial challenge to give him the time of day. He pointed out that I better be who I say I am. Dude, we haven’t even held a legitimate conversation. Chill out. At this point, I had heard all I needed. The goosebumps were standing on end and the nausea was bubbling in my stomach.

He blocked me moments later. I am not surprised. I was honestly about to do the same. Hopefully he learned his lesson to not hide behind an imposter profile while chastising others who may be doing the same. Let’s be real, though. He probably did not learn that lesson. If anything, he may have learned not to mess with someone who knows how to do her research.

Up next in fourth place…