5. Telling Voice

While this story is not accompanied by many screenshots, the nature of the conversation was a bit chilling. That is how “Telling Voice” made it to fifth place in the Battle Royale of weirdest dating experiences.

It started relatively normal. He typed first and off we went.

“Guyfishn” had an interesting tactic, I’ll give him that. His photos were decent to look at as well. So, I temporarily took the bait. He was quite proud of himself.

I am about to launch into my patented sassiness. Tell him that opening with a fun question or silly quote is usually more interesting. While he did illicit a response, it is not as if the conversation was going to great places yet.

Now, here’s where it gets weird… after a certain point of back and forth communication, the app allows for an extended set of means by which to communicate. You can call through the app, send photos to one another, and apparently even send voice messages. With these new features unlocked, Guyfishn decided on one of those options instead of a regular text. Any guesses?

If your mind immediately went to “dick pic,” as I surely would have with that set-up, you are (luckily for me) incorrect. Nope. Guyfishn sent a voice message.

I’ll be completely honest. At this point, I don’t remember exactly what he sent in that first message. He said something along the lines of being upfront and honest; telling the truth in all situations. He was being a bit pompous, I recall.

But while I do not remember exactly what he said, I can tell you exactly how it felt listening to that voice message on my phone. Have you ever had an immediate, heart-wrenching, gut feeling? As soon as I clicked play, my alarm bells in my entire body went off. Who was this guy? Is he honestly who he claims to be? Why be so obnoxious about honesty and sincerity if he isn’t?

This is ridiculous, right? How can I be so skeptical with just one eighteen second glimpse into his vocal pattern? Still, that feeling wouldn’t leave. So, I dove into what I do best–research. Some reverse image searches and several articles later, I arrived at a reasonable conclusion. This guy is sketch AF.

The results of my research were as follows. I could not initially find any of his photos online in other locations besides this dating site. After a few minor tweaks my search query, I found his main image. It was linked to a comment thread on a random blog about Canadian actors.

Once I could tell that the profile in general felt manufactured, I delved into a search about why I had such an off-putting feeling in the first place. This guy didn’t sound like a 27 year old at all. If I had to guess his age just by listening to his voice, I would put him around 57. Apparently, a person’s voice actually says a lot about them. You can tell things from height to age to weight, just by talking to someone on the phone, with relative accuracy according to an article in The Guardian.

Then he sent another voice message. This time it was much more negative and manipulative. He was, in a sense, egging me on. Partial underhanded comments and partial challenge to give him the time of day. He pointed out that I better be who I say I am. Dude, we haven’t even held a legitimate conversation. Chill out. At this point, I had heard all I needed. The goosebumps were standing on end and the nausea was bubbling in my stomach.

He blocked me moments later. I am not surprised. I was honestly about to do the same. Hopefully he learned his lesson to not hide behind an imposter profile while chastising others who may be doing the same. Let’s be real, though. He probably did not learn that lesson. If anything, he may have learned not to mess with someone who knows how to do her research.

Up next in fourth place…